Sunday, May 16, 2010

Scrawling for a Shidduch

"We don't know each other. But maybe we'll get married one day. I like your name. I'm sure we'll fall madly in love"

I grin. I wonder what he'll make of that! It serves him right for insisting on this crazy method for winnowing out the unsuitables.

Then I crumple up the paper; I've got to try to take this seriously. I lay out a new blank white sheet on the desk. What should I write in a letter to someone I've never met, never even spoken to?

It doesn't matter really. He just wants to see my handwriting. He doesn't care what I say.

I can't believe I agreed to this; giving a guy a sample of my handwriting, so that he can analyze it, before we even go out. I bet he's not even my type. I don't go for this sort of stuff.

My writing looks messy on the paper. I always joke that my handwriting is encrypted, because I'm the only one who can decipher it. I wonder what the scrawled letters and lines will teach him about me.

I told them that they could forget it, a year ago. I didn't care that he was a 'great guy'. I wasn't going to let my handwriting be analyzed, by anyone. I thought it was insane, I still do. But now I'm in my "what the heck" mood. Compared to posing a Shidduch profile online, is this any crazier?

The situation is ironic. Usually I worry what guys will think of my writing. But this time I wait to see what he thinks of my handwriting. I can't win.

This all happened a while ago. To my great surprise, my messy handwriting passed the test. We were soul mates. Until the actual date proved that premise wrong (it was face to face, not handwriting to handwriting). I'm curious, what's your take on Graphology and Shidduchim? What would you have done in my place?


  1. Just when you think you've heard it all about the craziness in shidduchim...Thanks for the laugh.

  2. I have a great guy for you! Name is Moshe. Family of huge talmidei chachomim although he never took his learning seriously. mother died young father remarried. Was sent far away so as not to be a deterent to his better learning stepbrothers or harm potential shiduchim. Has gotten his secular degrees, just completing seven years studies in both medicine and languages. Just perfect fit.

  3. Graphology sounds pretty kooky to me. But a bigger concern, I think, is any man that refuses to even deign to go out on a date with you until you pass some "test" of his. It sounds arrogant and controlling to me. But maybe I just don't understand the crazy shidduch world.

  4. My first direct encounter was this was via a Bnei Brak relative of mine, who procured his Zivug through less than Chareidi-means. The short version: it was the culmination of an extended email relationship; the official version: a mutual friend introduced them, but since she was Sefardi he didn't want to tell his parents till they were ready to get engaged. His mother (an American as it happens) was livid (his Kollel-Chazon-Ish father still is), until they went to a graphologist who confirmed their compatibility. They're happily married now. And I still find the graphology idea ridiculous for this kind of application.

  5. Graphology is a pseudoscience. Please don't go out with anyone who insists on putting you through such ridiculous hoops.

    As for comment no. 2, I really hope that you are joking. It doesn't sound suitable for our dear FNF. She needs someone who is seriously religious and open.

    BTW these people do exist.

  6. i think people have to stop smoking the ganja. what they do with handwriting analisis is called cold reading.

  7. Great title. I agree with the rest, that guy is not for you. Making demands before he's even met you.

  8. OK, so we've all agreed that I shouldn't have gone out with him. (and commenter #2, I do hope you weren't serious?)

    Random question 1: Which is worse, asking for a photo before the first date, or asking for a handwriting sample?

    Random question 2: If it wasn't before the first date, if it were after a few dates, when things were getting serious, how would you feel about taking both your handwriting samples to a graphologist then?

  9. I could not have been more serious about the proposed young man Moshe. They sound like a perfect pair. I am certain the more discerning readers will of course agree, and completely reject the thoughtless readers who not only fail to grab such a gem of a boy but belittle him as beneath their daughter/female acquaintance. Of course, Moshe is not presently available for shidduchim; by nearly 1000 years. His full name was of course Rambam, and of course he was beneath the high standards and filters you apply for these poor girls who actually heed your ignorant counsel of how to select a proper husband. Shame on you.

  10. Q1. He was more interested in your 'head' and 'personality' than what you looked like, i.e., substance over narishkeit.

    Q2. I don't see anything wrong with handwriting analysis, it reveals character traits and personality. I consider these important in any relationship, especially if you're going to be so intimate with someone over a long period of time.

    Caveat: However, I truly believe the 'old ways' of marrying off one's children was the more appropriate. Nowadays, you can 'overdate' and be 'too revealing' in extended dating. A little mystery is a good thing.

  11. I think a photo tells a lot more than handwriting. For one, you get to make your own judgement, rather than relying on a "professional's" analysis.
    In the same vein, I would much rather not supplement my judgement by something that seems quite arbitrary, and generic. Surely after a few dates with someone you'll have uncovered most of the significant 'secrets' latent in his or her handwriting??