Sunday, September 13, 2009

Newest Segulah for the Shidduch Crisis

I'm halfway through my weekly attempt to murder my driving instructor, when I ask to book a lesson on the eve of Rosh Hashana .(I decided the kitchen will survive without me for an hour, seeing what a lousy housewife I am anyway)

"So we're on for next Friday?"
"Oh, sorry. I'm going to Uman."
"You're going to Uman?!"

I'm sure he's kidding. He's not Breslov, not Chasidic, not even Chareidi. This is the perennial joker, who sarcasm I never get. On second thought, maybe he's serious. It makes sense. He needs to pray for survival. It's a miracle I haven't yet killed him and me both (several near misses with lampposts, buses and helpless puppies) and I've paid him ahead for the next batch of lessons, so he can't back out.

"I'm really going. Want me to Daven for you?"

He pulls out a list, hands me a pen. "Add your name"

I look at the list of names, written in traditional plonit-bat-almonit style. I carefully print out mine at the bottom. I hesitate, considering if I should add "LeZivug Hagun" next to it, in case he doesn't know what I'm in need of prayers for. Then I see the top of the list, someone has already written "LeZivug Hagun" there, in big bold letters. We're all in need of a marriage mate, it seems.

"One of my pupils started the list", he explains, a tad embarrassed.

And so, this New Year, my driving teacher will be praying at Rav Nachman's Kever for me to find my Besherte. Only in Israel.


Of course I'd already noticed this new fad in Shidduch-Crises-Segulas.
We've done the Kotel for 40 days, done Amuka (a zivug within a year, anyone?), done Kever Rochel on Erev Rosh Chodesh.

The latest heavenly solution first became apparent when I logged into Facebook.

"Off to Uman"
"Praying by Rav Nachman"
"Breslov here we come"

The young, hip, trendy, and sophisticated, the former classmates I'm not even so friendly with because they are "more modern" than me, were all off to Uman to daven for Hubbys.

A week later their profiles were displaying photos of Park Sophia and the various rabbis' graves.

Maybe this is the solution to my single status? I discreetly inquire about pre- Rosh Hashona flights for women. However it's not to be. Women aren't welcome. I can go, but I'll then need to hide out in a rented room. Not my idea of uplifting.

Oh well, I'll just have to rely on the driving teacher. Let's hope his prayers are answered.