Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Mamma's Lil' Boy

Do you ever feel like you're living in a surreal Kafkaesque universe, too weird to be true? Do you ever wonder when the shutters will open, and sense will seep back into the world? If you open up your eyes will it be over? Can you go to sleep and wake up from this dream? You cry, from the sheer frustration; the absurdity overwhelms you, you look around frantically for the clarity that once was. How did you get here, what step along the way brought you to this society of madness? Why don't they see it too; why do they let this happen; where is this leading to?

I've been on dates with men. I've been on dates with women. I've never been on a double date before. A double date which is also a first date. A double date where both our moms get to tag along with us, and join in all the fun.

I'm confused as to the coupling. Do I pair up with him, while his mom pairs up with mine? Do we trade, me dating his mom and vice versa?

"Fine. Wednesday. 9 PM. At the café. Oh...there's there's one small thing. His mother wants to come along."

"His mother is coming on the date with us?! On a first date?!"

"Only for the first few minutes . That's the way they do things."

I'm too tired to put up a fight.

Then he calls back.

"They say the way they always do things is that both mothers meet beforehand. They want your mother to come too."

You know when you're too shocked for your mind to respond?

Later I take it in, the implications; I'm going on a chaperoned blind date.

Despite my ripe old age, I'm taking part in an act choreographed for children, too immature to know their own mind.

Because what can be their motives?

Is this to get a picture of my family religiosity, level of Frumness, Heimishness?

Perhaps it's all a matter of establishing my class, a not so subtle socio-economic background check?

Or do they want to see my mother's figure, to decipher the genetics of what dress size I'll be when I'm a grandmother?

I am going to refuse point blank. Delete the little box in Outlook with the place and time, and move onto the next guy. Because how can any guy who needs to bring along his mom on a first date; who relies on her approval not only of a girl, but also of a girl's family; who can't make the decision whether to go out a second time on his own; how can a guy who behaves like that be suitable for me, mature enough for me? I want to marry a grown up man, not a little boy.

I make the decision. Hashem makes a different once. There's a miscommunication along the chain of telephones and arrangers. It's all set. We are going out tomorrow, all four of us.

Let's look on the bright side. My grandmother lives abroad. So at least it won't be a triple date.


  1. Oy, good luck. At least you're mature enough to enjoy the oddity of the situation :p

    (Prepare for the underhanded frum-bashing comments though...)

  2. I think its to check out your figure!

  3. maybe the reason for the miscommunication is b/c this is the one :-)

  4. I've heard all sorts of dating stories, but this is a first. Good luck, really.

  5. I woulda said no, too.


  6. Maybe it's some kind of family minhag or something like that. I don't know, I find the whole parents involvement in dating to be odd. I love my parents and I respect their opinions, but there's no way I'm going to put them in a position to influence who I marry.

  7. Yup, that'd be a clear NO from me. Minhag, shminhag, there's no reason someone can't be normal and do things the way everyone does it. They should realize for themselves how weird what they do is, and drop it like it's hot.

  8. I wouldn't show up to a meeting like that. What do you mean "all set"? Say "no" and keep to it as "no".

  9. If you end up getting married, do the mothers come along on the honeymoon too? (;

  10. Do the super-frum have honemoons?

  11. It depends on how close you are to your Mom. if you really respect her opinion, then she might notice things that you won't. I wish my Mom could have met my husband while we were dating and warned me, but no, I wanted to be independant and do it myself. Now we're getting divorced! It might very well be a blessing in disguise. Let us all know how it went!

  12. I think it's a test to see how tightly the apron stings are tied around sonny-boy and how much a pushover a potential daughter in law is.

  13. נו, איך היה

  14. I met my in-laws two nights before my first date with my ex. It wasn't just a five minute meeting. It was a full interview. If I had known better, I'd have ended it right there.

  15. A 23 year old woman should be able to say NO means NO. If you don't want to go, why on earth are you going?

  16. eh, c'mon. It's ludicrous, so just get a kick out of it and a free meal (he still pays?). And be sure to ask them why on earth they insisted on such an arrangement. It's not like you care about your impression.

  17. Come now, people. There is another side to this. I think everyone might be overlooking the potential eligible heartthrob we may be dealing with...

    For starters, what a mench! Such a double-date as this one just shows the calibre of this guy - how he honours 'kivud av v'aym'. You think he's a fool, and doesn't know how it looks to be dating with your mother at your side? Of course he's aware of the impression! And yet, still, he quashes his own ego and 'giaveh', out of respect to her, or whatever silly minhag she may have. Just imagine how loyal and doting he would be to his wife one day!

    This guy deserves our respect!

    As uncomfortable as it may have been for FnF, I'm sure it's more so for a boy to be out with his mother. This shows grand strength of character. Oh, how he will stand up for what's right later on in life.

    Someone who could allow himself out with his mother must not be some mere schlob. It takes profuse confidence in oneself to do this. A poor nebbish, who looks like a depressed Buddha, would never be able to allow another detracting element to add to his undesirability. But a guy with confidence and charisma, tall and handsome, and socially savvy - only such a gallant beau could afford to weather such a seeming denigration of his image. But our guy can pull it off.

    So, to the dissenting voices, how about a little 'dan lecaff zchus'. And to FnF... hope you manage to snap this guy up, hope our champion here, permits you the privilege of 2nd date...


  18. Even if your mother was fat, I doubt you have the ability to put on weight. Seems like you're skinny for life.