Saturday, February 6, 2010

Prayer to be Dumped

Excerpted from the Complete Siddur for the Bas Yisroel. To be recited in Shema Koleinu or before Yehiyu LeRatzon:

(For those of you who missed seeing my guest-post over at FrumSatire)

Blessed be you our God and God of our foremothers. May you have mercy on me [insert name] daughter of [insert mother's name] and spare me from another date with [insert date's name] son of [insert your hopefully-not-to-be-mother-in-law's name].

Please, God, let me not find favor in his eyes. For the thought of another date with him doth not appeal.

It is true, O Lord that he is a rightful servant of your name, and he doth be all that is good and eligible. Moreover, there be no man without failings, as is written 'There is no Tzaddik in the land who does not sin'.

Yet though I do travail, there doth be no click, no connection. And though I labor to know him, to like him, it doth be of no avail.
And I don't know what to do.

And I do fear for my name and reputation. For to be named 'picky', in the language of the people, is ruinous. As it is written 'a good name is better than precious oil'.

And I do not wish to lie awake, afterwards, wondering if I have done the right deed.

So let it be your will that he dump me. Amen.


  1. LOL. and it's easily adaptable for men.

  2. You are a swetheart

  3. That is totally what happens to me. I hope to myself, "Please say no . . . please say no . . . please say no . . ." because I don't feel excited enough, and I don't want to be the picky one.

    How does one translate "click" into loshon hakodesh?