Sunday, September 12, 2010

God's Hands

Dating is misleading. It can give me a feeling of being in control. Phoning people, finding out about boys, scheduling dates; I've learned the rules already, I know what I'm doing. There are the rules of the game, there are moves you make, the responses you foresee. I can handle it.

There are those moments when the world seems to gang up around you in order to thwart you, there are days when the world seems to disregard you, and ignore your existence, not care about the ticking time and you remaining single. But even then I'm usually caught up in trying to set things to rights. I use logic, and thought. I "try different types", and "mix in a new crowd", and "speak to so and so who I met in Shul and should know the right people"

I forget to pray. I'm so busy running the show I forget how helpless I really am.

Until I'm sitting on the bus, silent after 2 hours of talking, thinking, thinking about him.

I really liked him. We kept finding things we have in common. Small things, like family football teams, big things, like our relationship with our older siblings.

I like him. I want to go out with him again.

So many things can go wrong. He can not like me (chas vechalila! my heart is crying) I wasn't lookig pretty tonight, I went straight from work, I'm not feeling pretty, that's not a good sign. I feel over dressed in this suit, messy in hair that was only washed last night.

And even if I like him and he likes me, so many things can go wrong. I know them all, they've all happened to me before. Or it can be something new, that I never even worried about before now, that's suddenly disrupting it all, breaking it all, ruining it. I'm so scared. My dream is within reach, let it not be snatched away.

I'm hopeless. It's in God's hands. All I can do is pray.

I've been waiting for a long time, for the moment to be right to share some news with you. And then when the moment came I delayed it, writing a few lines and not completing them, starting posts and deleting them. Because where to start? What to say? How to virtually jump up and down?

But what better way than by with the very beginning? So here goes:

Ladies and gentleman, I wrote the above post a few months ago, on my way home from my first date with my most wonderful and amazing FIANCE!!!!

45 comments:

  1. Mazel Tov! Wow, that's great news! Much bracha and hatzlacha to you both!

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  2. So incredibly thrilled for you! BE"H you guys should share many many happy years together Ad 120! Mazal Tov!!!

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  3. Mazel Tov! so will this blog go the way of the Unbroken Glass or will you keep us entertained for many long and happy years in the future?

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  4. This is so thrilling. Was he the hiloni guy in the photography class? :)

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  5. Mazal Tov!!!!!

    Od Yeshaam Be'arei Yehuda Ubechutzot Yerushalaim, Kol Sasson Vekol Simcha, Kol Chatan Vekol Kallah!!!!!!

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  6. Wow, what a surprise to read about on your blog! Mazel Tov!!

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  7. Mazel tov! wow, what a nice way to start off the new year :)

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  8. Mazal tov! Do you now come out from your anonymity, now its all over? All over? Just starting!

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  9. Mazel tov, you should have a binyan adei ad. And keep blogging! I need reading material...

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  10. I follow your blog and am really happy to read this.
    A very big mazal tov.

    It is so exciting
    I wish you lots of luck and happiness and everything

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  11. I am so very thrilled for you!! Mazal tov to you both! You are a creative and talented young woman who has been letting us share your life, your thoughts and your dreams (and your excellent writing) - he is a lucky guy, and I'm sure he knows it. Have a great life together!!! :)

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  12. Mazal tov!! Thrilled for you. Please keep us posted.

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  13. Mazel tov! I was so excited to hear--may you build a bayis nemaan b'yisroel and experiance much happiness, hatzolocha, and bracha in your new life together :)

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  14. Im not sure why but was so excited to hear! Mazal Tov Mazal Tov! Only Brochos!

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  15. I am so happy for you! I was so excited to see a new post by you, and was even more excited when I read it! Mazal tov!!

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  16. A-ha! So that's why you didn't visit New York in August. I suppose we can forgive you just this once....
    So have you told him about the blog? If so, how far along were you?

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  17. Mazal tov! I've read your blog for months and have never commented. Your writing is beautiful and has touched me in many ways. It's funny to feel happy for someone I've never met, but I'm truly happy to read this!! May you continue to grow in all things, and now with a partner on the path. I wish you much simcha, hatzolocha and bracha!

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  18. I was so HOPING that that was why you were too busy to blog! Yay! Mazal tov!

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  19. I should have known from that long silence . . . dead giveaway.

    All the best.

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  20. i was talking about your blog with a friend the other day, and she said she thought you must be dating someone seriously and that's why you hadn't posted. I said, nah, she's probably just busy... ok, she was right, and I am so happy for you! mazal tov!

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  21. So, do all us fans get invited to the wedding?

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  22. Mazal tov!!! Such exciting news, i hope you keep blogging.... you should build a Bayit Neeman Biyisroel!

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  23. Mazel tov! You are a very talented writer, and deserve so much happiness. What a great way to start the new year!

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  24. Mazal Tov!!! So the trend continues, I see :) Hopefully this is a sign that all the single bloggers out there will find their bashert soon! Hopefully he will serve as an inspiration for your writing - not directly per se (as in he's a character in each story), but we all need a muse to fuel our creative energies.

    Truly, amazing, wonderful news!!!

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  25. MAZEL TOV! You do not even know how incredibly happy this has made me...well actually I am sure you know because you probably feel this times infinity! I am so happy for you, BARUCH HASHEM AGAIN AND AGAIN! This gives hope to every goal hurting and crying inside, waiting for HaShem to decide things are ready! Oy Mazel Tov again, only good things for your new journey!

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  26. It's so exciting! My congrats! I wish all the best in your life and ... be thankful to our Lord!

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  27. So when do we get more news???
    Tzom kal
    Anon613-London

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  28. Mazal Tov! I am so happy for you.

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  29. Mazal tov! You will still continue writing, yes?

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  30. Wow! Just saw this now, a HUGE mazal tov! Is his name Avner? :P

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  31. Mazel tov. I only realized when I saw your Tweet. For help with your wedding planning see http://www.kallahmagazine.com/WeddingAdvice.html
    and the latest issue of Kallah Mag at http://issuu.com/ariellabrown/docs/fall10

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  32. Mazel tov! You should build a bayis Ne'emon B'yisroel, and continue blogging!

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  33. that use to happen to me, i worried about things happening that would end the relationship.

    Mazel tov to you, may you and your chasan build a happy torah home

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  34. Dear FNF, I hope that everything is going well with your engagement. Please give your faithful followers an update, or if you do not intend to continue blogging, some closure. Mazal tov, again.

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