Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Shidduch Resumes are out, Interactive DVDs are in

19th Century- Yente the Shadchan.
20th Century-The Resume.
For the 21st century- The Shidduch DVD! More graphic, more interactive, more in depth coverage.
Wait, should I be telling you this before I've patented it?

OK, I confess, I've never actually written a shidduch resume. (The first time I heard of them, I was sure it was a joke.)

I did write out an email with all my "info", a couple of weeks ago. A woman at work wanted "details". Plus the required phone numbers of friends, family friends, and rabbis.
So I wrote it all out, and pressed send.
A few days later, someone else at work wanted the same "info".
"No problem!", I said. This time all I needed to do was press forward.
So here I am, pressing forward every couple of days, and thinking I've got the "finding out" stage covered.

Then it struck me. Text documents are so out of date. I mean, how much can words in black and white convey? What every girl in Shidduchim needs is an interactive DVD.
This may sound like a lot of work, but it's worth the investment. From now on, no more conversations, no more emails, no more photos. Simply burn a few million DVDs and hand them out to every random stranger you come across.
Intro- Pics of Miss Maidel from birth until the present.
Interviews with Rabbis and Friends (and Police, for ex cons)- They get interviewed once and voila, they are rescued from the repetitive phone calls. Links will be provided for each contact, with options to email, SMS, and phone.
Interview with all first, second, and third degree relatives- Providing information on themselves (the family is also important!), and their description of and relationship with Miss Maidel.
Interview with the star herself- of key importance for seeing her figure, posture and body language.
If it all looks good, the prospective marriage partner (or his Shadchan) can decide to try out with the "Am I right for her?" quiz. At each stage he is asked about a different essential criteria (e.g. Age, Yeshiva, Height, I.Q, Bank Balance, Family Tree, etc.).
If one of Mr.Maybe's answers doesn't pass the test, the DVD immediately switches off with the encouraging message of "It's not Shayach for Miss Maidel. Much Hatzlacha in finding your Basherte!"
If, by some miracle (that's why it's compared to the splitting of the red sea) all of Mr. Maybe's details match Miss Maidel's requirements, we can progress on to the final stage. Fireworks, and..drumroll.. Miss Maidel's phone number flashes on the screen.
The lucky winner now has two options, printing out her phone number, or designing the wedding invitations.

7 comments:

  1. Please can you send me the first copy...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had heard of shidduch resumes a couple of years ago. But more recently, I've heard people refer to them as something as common as a newspaper. One blogger said he had the shidduch resume of a relative of mine. He's a father of single boy, so I guess he is inundated with them. In the Jewish world, you don't have to be a man in possession of a fortune to be presumed in need of a wife; you merely have to be a man of legal age and breathing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...you merely have to be a man of legal age...And even that is optional.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love the Austen, Ariella. Wonder what she'd make of us ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think the frum shidduch world offers many parallels to the Austen universe. Where else would one have the potential to wreck the shidduch prospects of all her sisters? And as for the "Why marry Mr. Collins" question, I can see many a 27 year-old maidel today explaining herself in the same terms as Charlotte. Years ago I heard Tzipoorah Heller observe in a lecture that "it's better to be married than not married," indicating that Charlotte had it right, though far be it from her to refer to secular literature. The only thing is that Austen was far more optimistic for her own heroines and even gave the protagonist of Persuasion a second chance at her bashert. Had that been a Mishpacha story, the heroine would either have continued to wither as an old maid or have been married off to someone she did not really care for, and that would have taught her not to dare have thought herself above any man.

    ReplyDelete
  6. wow, brilliant, I love this idea!
    I think I'm gonna forward this post in an e-mail.

    But you know that people are starting to send out dvd's of themselves instead of resume's in the work force. So makes sense for it to happen in the shidduch world too, so much fun, and so smart! I love technology, you should totally patent this idea! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well, Persuasion is Jane Austen's novel about what she would have liked her life to be like. She died single. What singles in the frum world have that Victorians didn't are friends and acquaintances who are not embarrassed to talk about shidduchim and who make phone calls and write emails to try to find people for them. So let's please be grateful for what we have.

    ReplyDelete