19th Century- Yente the Shadchan.
20th Century-The Resume.
For the 21st century- The Shidduch DVD! More graphic, more interactive, more in depth coverage.
Wait, should I be telling you this before I've patented it?
OK, I confess, I've never actually written a shidduch resume. (The first time I heard of them, I was sure it was a joke.)
I did write out an email with all my "info", a couple of weeks ago. A woman at work wanted "details". Plus the required phone numbers of friends, family friends, and rabbis.
So I wrote it all out, and pressed send.
A few days later, someone else at work wanted the same "info".
"No problem!", I said. This time all I needed to do was press forward.
So here I am, pressing forward every couple of days, and thinking I've got the "finding out" stage covered.
Then it struck me. Text documents are so out of date. I mean, how much can words in black and white convey? What every girl in Shidduchim needs is an interactive DVD.
This may sound like a lot of work, but it's worth the investment. From now on, no more conversations, no more emails, no more photos. Simply burn a few million DVDs and hand them out to every random stranger you come across.
Intro- Pics of Miss Maidel from birth until the present.
Interviews with Rabbis and Friends (and Police, for ex cons)- They get interviewed once and voila, they are rescued from the repetitive phone calls. Links will be provided for each contact, with options to email, SMS, and phone.
Interview with all first, second, and third degree relatives- Providing information on themselves (the family is also important!), and their description of and relationship with Miss Maidel.
Interview with the star herself- of key importance for seeing her figure, posture and body language.
If it all looks good, the prospective marriage partner (or his Shadchan) can decide to try out with the "Am I right for her?" quiz. At each stage he is asked about a different essential criteria (e.g. Age, Yeshiva, Height, I.Q, Bank Balance, Family Tree, etc.).
If one of Mr.Maybe's answers doesn't pass the test, the DVD immediately switches off with the encouraging message of "It's not Shayach for Miss Maidel. Much Hatzlacha in finding your Basherte!"
If, by some miracle (that's why it's compared to the splitting of the red sea) all of Mr. Maybe's details match Miss Maidel's requirements, we can progress on to the final stage. Fireworks, and..drumroll.. Miss Maidel's phone number flashes on the screen.
The lucky winner now has two options, printing out her phone number, or designing the wedding invitations.
4 days ago