Monday, February 25, 2008

PS. Why I'm gonna burn in hell

So I tell this woman (i.e woman whom I know, I'm not one of these just-made-aliyah-and-thinks-every1-in-israel-is-my-best-friend-so-talk-to-strangers-on-the-bus chicks) that I'm coming from a wedding.

This is a lie.

NO, this is not why i'm gonna burn in hell. The general consensus if that you're allowed to lie about dates (this is for the uniniated among you)

Why don't I say I was on a date? I honestly don't know, I mean it's no state secret.

So I was at a wedding, right? I'm sipping my Ice coffee, and about to pull out Center 1's finest onion pizza, when it hits me.

Wedding = Meat, Pizza = Milk.

Ok, so I'll wait with the pizza. I carry on sipping my ice coffee. I guess I'm kind of slow. I remember that Ice Coffee also = Milk.

May as well burn in hell for the pizza too. I pull it out and bite.

You hear guys? This is what coke-only-dates drives me to!!

Eating on Shidduch dates

Of all the unwritten rules floating around charedi society, this has got to be the one that does the most to make my life a misery.
Why can't I eat on a shidduch date?!
Did you know that sharing a meal with a guy is practically equivalent, to , well, sharing a bed with him?
Apparently eating is an intimate, bonding experience.
And here was me wanting to eat because I'm hungry. Been out at work all day, smeared on fresh makeup, stripped and dressed up in my sexiest tznius clothes (is that an oxymoron?) in one smooth motion, and run out of the house to sit in a cafe, surrounded by food, and sip a coke.
Yeah, sip a coke. For three hours. Till midnight! If I was in a desert island I guess I could survice. But in a restaurant?!
I know, I know, Charedi guys learn in Yeshiva. They don't have cash. Their dads are probably rabbis, so they are rock bottom broke also.
So what? I'll pay!
But I can't pay, won't work, no self respecting black hatter will let a BY girl pay..way too feminist..
Let's look on the bright side, if a girl isn't skinny when she enters the shidduch scene, I guarantee she'll be a walking broomstick after a couple of months of dating! Unless she does what I do, and fresses on post-date-pizza in Center 1.