Career girl and Shidduch Maidel- two diametric opposites.
After a day at the office, getting dressed up for a date isn't enough. A major personality switch is needed too.
I lock the screen, pull off my ID card, breathe in, breathe out, and shift gears. Body language, tone of voice, that changes automatically. Next comes the attitude.
Work: Get across that you’re wrong, and I'm right, without actually saying so. It should be obvious that my idea is the one we should use, how could you ever suggest otherwise.
Date: Give the impression I think you're amazing and brilliant. I totally agree with everything you say. In fact you're what I've been looking for my whole life.
Work: Be assertive, without raising my voice. Sound firm and uncompromising.
Date: Be soft, pliant and feminine. Flutter eyelashes occasionally. I don't know how I ever managed without you, opening doors is just so hard on my own.
Work: Sell myself. Do nothing without proper recognition and reward. Rattle off past years achievements and accomplishments to management.
Date: Be modest. Nothing I do can compare to your Torah learning. I think it's incredible that you've been in Yeshiva your whole life, while all lowly women like I can do is have kids, housekeep and make a living.
Work: Take control. Get stuff ticking. Don't wait for problems to solve themselves.
Date: Be laid back, easy going, chilled. Whatever happens, happens. I know I can trust you to take care of things.
Work: Show off technical know-how at every opportunity. Litter conversation with technical terms and the latest buzz words.
Date: Don't admit to knowledge or interest in any technical or scientific field. It's not feminine.
Work: Be brief and to the point.
Date: Milk a story for all it's worth, I've got another couple of hours to burn here with you.
Work: Try to sound brainy. The smarter the better.
Date: Don't want to sound nerdy. Smart is not cool.
Work: Avoid mentioning religion, it's controversial and not politically correct.
Date: Do pepper conversation with declarations of faith in the Lord (Baruch Hashem! Beezrat Hashem!) and the latest in Yeshivish slang. Make it clear how frum you are.
It's a Jekyll and Hyde thing. No wonder the frum world doesn't want women to have careers. Pity they also want us to support our husbands in learning. You can't have it both ways.
1 week ago