Saturday, July 18, 2009

Girl Dates Woman

I've dated many men, in the last few years. They have some things in common. For a start, they are all single. Also, they are all in their twenties.

I also go out with women. Mainly married women. Their ages range through the twenties to sixties.

Don't be shocked. Hang on, and I'll explain.

I'm in town, meeting up with a pal, one of the rare occasions she's in the hood. I get a phone call. It's my friend's mom, who since her own daughter recently acquired a new last name, has sweetly joined the ranks of those attempting to marry me off.
"Someone wants to meet you. She has a guy."
"Right. But I don't meet women. Who is he?"
'She won't tell me anything. She wants to meet you first."
I entreat and I protest, but eventually I give in. The meeting is set up for the following night.

Wednesday evening I get home from work. I choose an outfit which I hope the mystery woman will like or at least approve of, touch up my makeup, and head out.
As I ring the doorbell, I surreptitiously fix my hair in the reflection in the mirrored sign. Then the door swings open, and I'm led inside. Looked over from head to foot. Sat beside a kitchen table, offered a cold drink. And the date begins. An hour of small talk. Without the attraction to spice it up. I can't flirt, can't look into her eyes. But I do need to have her liking me. I get her laughing, that's a good sign. She admires my bag, another plus in my favor. She compliments my figure, something I don't get on dates with guys. I try asking about the guy, but it turns out she doesn't know if he's available, so no point discussing him. "You have to understand. He's been dating for a good few years now. He's burnt out. I can't set him up with just anyone, I want to save him that."
I wonder about myself. The dates with guys I somehow manage to slot in, between work and studying and life. Must I date women, on top of that?
Finally she brings the night to an end. "It's been great meeting you! We'll be in touch."

Have I passed the test?

It seems I have. The date is set up. "My dear, you're lovely, inside and out. I know he'll fall for you." Well she likes me.

One date later we all learn that he doesn't.
I'm "Too skinny. Too feminine." He prefers plump. Prefers tomboyish.

I think Mr. Eligible's female guardian has already met the girl of his dreams. But she turned her down. She wasn't her type. Overweight. Not slim enough. Or maybe the looks passed, but there was no chemistry, on the girl-woman date. I mean you can't set him up with just anyone. You have to meet her first.

PS. To all my well-wishers, don't worry, I didn't like the guy either. I preferred the shadchanit.


  1. You sound like the girl of my dreams

  2. Yes... I once dated a girls parents. It was a nice date, and they paid :-) I guess no difference to you - the guys pays or they pay... but for me... :-)

  3. Anonymous- Awesome! Let's set a date! As long as I don't have to date your mom first.

    BZ- Good point. I never thought of the cost aspect. But what happens if it's a matchmaker and not a parent- maybe you go dutch?

  4. come for shabbos. you can date my wife

  5. Aww that's so sweet of you. I've been suggested guys from Kushelevsky before, but never their wives.

  6. After you get married are you going to continue to write about you private life on a blog? Some husbands wouldnt appreciate that.

  7. I like when a shadchan tries to get to know all of her clients personally. That being said I HATED the pre-date. You have to get past so many hoops these days, first the shadchan then the boys mother, it never ends. I think a lot of people are missing the point on these things. They see if the girl is THEIR type but not necessarily the guys. Plus the girls time is valuable too.

  8. You sound like a lovely young woman. I hope you get someone special soon.

  9. I love reading all these weird shidduch stories. It reminds me of the one about the mother who wanted to see the girl at a swimming pool. Pretty soon, no one will fit through the ever narrowing holes in the ridiculous sifter we've created.

  10. Here's what you do next time (if, lulei demistafina, there is a next time):


    How cool would that be? She opens the door ready to size you up and BOOM, there's your mom - with pictures of you, of course, maybe a video of your nursery school Chanukah play, where you were the latke.

  11. Eyespankel - haven't done the pool check out yet, but I once met the mom of a boy I'd dated on the beach. Much to my suprise despite seing me makeup-less, with wet straggly hair, she still tried to get us back together!

    Adam- about my future hubby, definitely calls for a post sometime.