Monday, October 13, 2008

What I miss in shidduch dates

The night before: I pick what I'm going to wear (I'll spare you the shopping sagas). I empty out an entire drawer of tights, and eventually find a pair with no ladders or holes in the toes. I do my hair, nails, eyebrows, legs. I pack makeup, find a lipstick between some magazines, and shove that into my bag too.
The morning of: I scramle out of bed, and sit for a long long time on a stuffy bus, trying to daven against a background of Mizrachi music and R&B.
The day of: Slaving a way in front of a computer all day, monotony only broken by meetings and lectures. In between emails, call hairdresser.
The evening of: Cancel a meeting with my boss, grab bulky bag, and hail a taxi.
Arrive at hairdresser, wash hair in her sink (We're low tech in Israel), then have a soul-to-soul on what was wrong with the last guy, while she does her stuff.
Hail a second taxi.
In random location (friend's pad/changing rooms in mall/hotel bathroom) wriggle out of the long skirt and into a short one, out of flats and into heels (unless the guy's my height, which sucks), out of t shirt and into one of those trying-to-be-pretty-and-tznius-but-not-fully-succeeding-at-either tops.
In front of random mirror, in said random location, smear on foundation,eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, blush, and lipstick.
Hail a third taxi.
In taxi, fish in handbag for earrings, necklace, and other random accesossries.
The shidduch date:
Sit on sofa, diagonally across from random guy in black hat and black jacket and tie-that-supposedly-shows-yeshiva-bachur's-personality (never quite figured out how that works, is it the stripes vs. the polka dots where they get to express their taste?)
Sip the infamous soft drink.
Discuss yeshiva's, seminaries, free will, how lucky we are to be religious, and the weather.
Go home.
Ok, so guys , what's missing here? Aside from the honest or at least amusing conversation. Aside from the fun. Aside from the movie. Aside from the music. Aside from the meal.
"You look nice tonight/ You have a lovely smile/ You look pretty in that." One little complinent. The only time I got a compliment on a shidduch date, it was "you have pretty hands". Now, where on earth is that coming from? And even that was pretty daring, you can tell he was – *gasp* - modern.
Yeah, I know that it's shallow, and they can be fake, and they are after one thing, blah blah, but I'm a woman, and I enjoy it, and now, I miss it. All that work, it would be nice to get some feedback.


  1. The day of my shidduch date.

    Regular day- change outside my car into nicer shirt- spray some axe on and clean up the front seat of the car and spray it down so its not too stinky

    Hey your comment moderation sucks- may be why you get no comments.

    Open it up for anonymous comments

  2. I never had one of those shidduch dates yet so I can't really relate.

    But that was excellently written, sounds exciting.

    I once had a discussion about the complementing part. FrumSkeptic talked about it. Complimenting dates

  3. And I thought I was being original, "ein chadash tachat hashemesh I guess".

    ps. Comments changed thanks for the tip.

  4. "diagonally across from random guy in black hat and black jacket and tie-that-supposedly-shows-yeshiva-bachur's-personality (never quite figured out how that works, is it the stripes vs. the polka dots where they get to express their taste?)"

    HAHAHAHA!!!!!! :-)

    its why I recommend dating guys who don't go for the penguin look. :)

  5. Chutznikit: yea, but you can still think of it as original if you hadn't seen it anywhere else before you wrote about it.

    I also thought that tie comment was funny. Actually my cousin used to compliment people on their ties and she would say it's the one thing that allows a guy to express himself.

  6. More tips on the ties girls!

    Look at the width! Wide ties are in, but narrow are coming back.
    So now the dilemna is this: When the guy has a narrow tie: Is he so hip that's he's post-narrow-tie, or was he too busy shteiging to catch onto the narrow tie trend..?

  7. I used to compliment my dates, until I was informed that most girls apparently get freaked out by a strange guy complimenting them on their looks. I thought I was being polite. What do I know?

  8. Wow. I don't think I've ever spent more than an hour getting ready for a date, and my record time (for a 1st date) was 10 minutes.
    Btw, try having a guy compliment your lips and you'll be wishing you could go back to "nice hands"... Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything...

  9. I once dated a woman, and at one point, she said to me, "Somehow, I doubt you'd ever notice what a woman is wearing, ever." And she was absolutely right. I have no fashion sense whatsoever, whether regarding what I'm wearing or what anyone else is.

    But in my defense, my failure to notice her clothing was also due to my focusing on the words coming out of her mouth. How am I supposed to notice all the care she put into her appearance when I'm too busy listening to her talk? If I want to look at someone be pretty, they've got magazines for that (not that I read those magazines!). If I'm going to go on a date, I may as well focus on what only a date can offer me.

    I've never understood why men like to date younger women. Sure, younger women are prettier, but what good is eye candy unless you've got what to talk about? Let's face it: older women are more interesting conversationalists.

  10. If you want validation on how you look via a compliment, give a compliment. Not only is it a good thing to do, but, it will also show you are open to being complimented.

    Yeshiva guys are taught to focus on the inner beauty and de-emphasize the physical aspect. Sure, sometimes they notice how you look, but, they try to "ignore" it.

    Just my thoughts.