Going After Your Man

I'm old fashioned. I was brought up to believe that you don't chase men; they've got to go after you. And if that guy of your dreams doesn't? Then he's just not that into you. Forget about him, baby. Move on.

My high school years revolved around crushes on guys who barely knew I existed. I learned my lesson. Take what you can get, don't chase stars. If he really liked you, he'd show it.

The most that us weaker sex can do is reciprocate. Subtly show we are interested, show the admiration is mutual. Hope he'll be encouraged, will work up the courage to ask us out.

The only problem is, I still haven't quite figured out how to do that. Flirting isn't something we were taught in Bais Yaacov. My 'subtle' is probably another girl's 'get lost'. And what if he's shy, nervous, scared? Or he thinks some insurmountable hurdle stands in the way, an issue you don't even care about? Or he simply never thought about you that way before, and somebody needs to light the switch in his mind?

There is another way. And it can work. A guest post from the keyboard of a happily pursued (and now married) man:


I met my wife in passing once. I went to college with her older brother. I didn't really give her a second thought, because she was so much younger. To me she was just my friend's sister.

She, however, was very interested in me. She found excuses to either come by with her brother to see me, or bump into me in various places. We struck up a sort of flirty friendship, over a few weeks. It slowly made its way over to regular phone calls.

A week later I broke my leg. And it was the perfect excuse for her to come over to my apartment to check and see how I was doing. That act made me think of her differently. One week later, when we were talking, she asked me out. I said of course.

The dating only lasted for a year. Then we got married.

Why did I *make* her ask me out?

Too often the guy does all the pursuing because he likes the girl. Usually, because he is very attracted, for one reason or another. As such, his feelings are pretty much known to all. But the guy is left guessing as to how the girl feels. Is she in it because she just wants company until something better comes along? Does she just like the free meals she's getting?

Though most guys won't admit it, it's nice to be pursued. As great a feeling as it is for a girl to be courted, it feels even better for a guy.

At least, that's what I was waiting for. I always told my friends, if a girl ever asked me out, no matter what she looked like, where she was from, etc., I would say 'absolutely' and go out with her, and pay for the whole date too. When someone can make themselves that vulnerable to another, that, in and of itself, is reason enough to give it a shot.

Bottom line, never say no, and it never hurts to ask...




So girls, what do you say? Should we start asking them out?