Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Secret Life

I have a secret life. I can't speak of it in public. I can't mention it in polite society.

"Where were you last night?" they ask. "Somewhere", I say.

"I heard this funny story from…Someone." I pronounce.

"I need to leave early" I tell my boss. "I need to do..Something."

"We are learning about Rabbi __" my niece says.
"Ooh, I went out with his grandson" I almost blurt out. I bite my tongue.

"Why are you so busy?" they ask. "Why don't we ever see you anymore?"
"Well I am working," I say. "And studying."
"And dating!" I want to yell. ""Hours upon hours of dates. Huge portions of my week, my time, my energy."

But I don't. Dozens of boys, hundreds of dates, thousands of hours, spent on an activity that must be kept under wraps, except with close friends and relatives. Phone calls and decisions and dilemmas; all unmentionable. They know it, they guess it. But they don't speak of it. Because, of course, it's private.

I have a secret life.


  1. am i crazy for not understanding why it should be private?

  2. Ah yes, I remember going through this phase. Now, 2 years into dating, it isn't the biggest thing in the world to let my roommate or friend know I have a date on X night. I don't give details, as Rav Goldvicht says - keep all answers pareve. Is the mere fact that you are going on a date really such a big deal?

  3. I'm a madrich in a Yeshiva. When I'm dressed up for the date, EVERYONE knows. I give up trying to keep it under wraps....

  4. I am not sure why it has to be such a secret to the point you think of it as having a secret life. You are 23 years old - you think nobody knows you are dating?

  5. OK, everyone know's I'm dating. But all the gory details, they are basically off limits.

    Not because I care, but because it's "not done".

    Unlike western society, where a boyfriend gets a title, in Frum society either he's your Chassan, or he's a nonentity.

    I've met an endless quantity of men. I spend more time with guys than girls, most weeks. but I can't speak about them in casual conversation.

    "That boy I went out with once" isn't something I can say to colleagues, neigbors and other casual acquaintances.

    So they remain "someone"s. And a large part of my life remains under wraps..