My Secret Life

-
I have a secret life. I can't speak of it in public. I can't mention it in polite society.

"Where were you last night?" they ask. "Somewhere", I say.

"I heard this funny story from…Someone." I pronounce.

"I need to leave early" I tell my boss. "I need to do..Something."

"We are learning about Rabbi __" my niece says.
"Ooh, I went out with his grandson" I almost blurt out. I bite my tongue.

"Why are you so busy?" they ask. "Why don't we ever see you anymore?"
"Well I am working," I say. "And studying."
"And dating!" I want to yell. ""Hours upon hours of dates. Huge portions of my week, my time, my energy."

But I don't. Dozens of boys, hundreds of dates, thousands of hours, spent on an activity that must be kept under wraps, except with close friends and relatives. Phone calls and decisions and dilemmas; all unmentionable. They know it, they guess it. But they don't speak of it. Because, of course, it's private.

I have a secret life.

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 18, 2010 at 8:06 AM

    am i crazy for not understanding why it should be private?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shades of GreyFebruary 18, 2010 at 8:06 AM

    Ah yes, I remember going through this phase. Now, 2 years into dating, it isn't the biggest thing in the world to let my roommate or friend know I have a date on X night. I don't give details, as Rav Goldvicht says - keep all answers pareve. Is the mere fact that you are going on a date really such a big deal?

    ReplyDelete
  3. BzFebruary 18, 2010 at 9:43 AM

    I'm a madrich in a Yeshiva. When I'm dressed up for the date, EVERYONE knows. I give up trying to keep it under wraps....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rafi G.February 18, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    I am not sure why it has to be such a secret to the point you think of it as having a secret life. You are 23 years old - you think nobody knows you are dating?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Frum N' FlippingFebruary 18, 2010 at 10:57 PM

    OK, everyone know's I'm dating. But all the gory details, they are basically off limits.

    Not because I care, but because it's "not done".

    Unlike western society, where a boyfriend gets a title, in Frum society either he's your Chassan, or he's a nonentity.

    I've met an endless quantity of men. I spend more time with guys than girls, most weeks. but I can't speak about them in casual conversation.

    "That boy I went out with once" isn't something I can say to colleagues, neigbors and other casual acquaintances.

    So they remain "someone"s. And a large part of my life remains under wraps..

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Connection over Kiruv

-
I asked a girl for directions today, and we ended up chatting through the rest of our shared ten minute walk from the train station. I felt happy. Not because I saved a soul, not because I helped a secular Jew see the light, but because I made a friend. Just like Yeshivish Harry says perfectly in his post on being friends with secular Jews , relating to other Jews shouldn't be all about Kiruv, it should be about conection, and caring. Hopefully, the next time that my ten-minute-friend thinks of Chareidim, she won't think of the men throwing stones in the Meah Shearim, but of a girl who's a lot like her inside, even if she is dressed a bit differently. And you know what, even if that doesn't happen, even if our conversation changes nothing about the way she views religious Jews, it doesn't matter. Because for a few minutes, two Jewish girls were friends. And I bet that when we were smiling, God was too.
Read more

Mikvah Madness

-
It was too late. I was naked when I found out the truth. I clutched the towel around me and stared at her in horror. I was trapped. Only I could make such a stupid mistake. I missed all the clues- the sandy path that was longer than I remembered; the sign post for the Mikvah Keilim I didn't recall; the type of women inside- I should have known something was wrong when I saw the women. Nine of them, lined up in a row, one empty chair in the middle that they seemed to have saved for me, ready to interrogate me; the questions- how long I'd been married, how many times I'd been here before; the blessings that I wouldn't need to be back the next month. "I've been married six years and this is my fifth time at the Mikvah" one woman proudly told me. I tried to do the math in my head, while the other women congratulated her. The woman sitting behind the till wore a thick turban. She wasn't Simcha, the Mikvah attendant I'd come back here for. I'd ...
Read more

A Girl's Guide to Tznius Shopping in Jerusalem

-
Warning: Men should stop reading this right about now. So you're in Jerusalem, the holy city. And you want to be holy, and dress modestly. But you don't want to look holy . You want to look good . Never fear. I'm a secret Shopaholic. And arriving home loaded with shopping bags tonight, I suddenly felt like sharing my accrued wisdom with the world. This is going to be an exceedingly shallow post. 100% Chitzoniyus and Gashmiyut. My only defence is that a girl in Shidduchim has got to be well dressed! Frum stores I'm not so into shopping at Frum stores. Something about the idea of being dressed exactly the same as every girl in Bnai Brak and Sanhedria Murchevet gives me the shivers. But if you're aiming for a Frum-yet-classy look for a Simcha, where you want Tante Baila to approve of you and suggest a fine Bochur for a Shidduch, then check out One-of-a-Kind (Location: Go down Rechov Haturim, which is off Malchei Yisroel, and then turn either left or right, I...
Read more