Frum N' Flipping

Moonlight. Park. Bench. Third Date. "So, do you have a Rav? Like, someone to ask?" (OK, that's the guy asking. Not my style question.) "Um, well. I ask Y. when I have questions. He's got Semicha. He looks it up for me if he doesn't know." (Nothing like illustrious relatives. The whole learning in Kollel thing comes in useful sometimes.) "I mean real questions, you know, life questions. Not Halachic questions". "Oh." (Long silence.) "No, not really. I used to ask a couple of Rabbis stuff sometimes, in seminary. But I never get round to phoning them nowadays." If I like him I may bother trying to explain more. Usually I don't. I do feel faintly guilty about it. "Not having a Rav", that is. I had to memorize Mesilat Yesharim in High school. That whole paragraph with the Rabbi being up on a hill, able to guide lost and clueless lil' you through the maze of life. So Rabbis are the kind of thing one needs, ri...

If you're lucky enough to be living in the holy land, you can sign up for a super duper holy service which blocks calls to "unwanted" numbers. Bezeq is launching " Kav Naki " , a "kosher" phone line. My question is: who chooses what numbers to block? "That's odd, the Mendelssons phone is cut off" "Oh, Ima, don't you know?! Their phone number's been added to the banned list. Chani wasn't accepted to any Bais Yaacov, so they are sending her to an Ulpana. I saw her going to Bnai Akiva on Shabbos!" "Oh, I hadn't heard. Well that explains it then. " How many people are using phones for messing around nowadays anyway? Hasn't the internet taken over? Or cell phones at least? What comes next? Bugging people's mouths'? Or my own invention, the KosherGuard?

Considering a woman is the heroine of Purim, why is it the men who get to drink? I mean think about it, a nice jewish girl comes along and saves the jewish nation from destruction, so in gratitude- the guys get together annually to toast her with kosher booze, while their womenfolk cook up a seudah for them. Yeah. Makes a lot of sense.

Hearing their laughter Drift through school gates Longing to join them Skip with playmates I want to be a child Spared from the pain Playing free and wild, Feeling young again Now that I'm older The world's somehow colder Why must you show me How rough life can be? But life's about living And we've got to grow So to you I'm singing Please help me let go I figured this is my blog, so I can post my sappy old poems if I want to

The year is 2050. Yankele arrives at the gates. He tugs up at the navy blue sleeve of his school sweater, and flashes an armband at the metallic sign attached to the brick wall. A cryptographic protocol is deployed, Yankele and the school authenticate themselves, each verifies that the other is kosher, and that the kashrut certification was not revoked, or "cheremed", as the elders call it. The gates slide open, and Yankele is allowed into the hallowed sanctuaries of the Yeshiva day school. (The elders are rather proud of their two way authentication scheme. Before it was only possible to make sure the student is kosher, but what would happen if the school would rise in revolt, and overstep the proper boundaries? Now it's possible by one simple command to have the school shut down) Inside the building Yankele stops to greet friends, both first checking that the other is kosher according to their families minhagim. Parents can program in permitted kosher associates for the...

Yes, you've done the 3 months background checking, but nonetheless, potentially problematic suitors can slip through the net. Things to watch out for, i.e. if you spot it, dump it and run like hell! 1. Chipped nail varnish- forget the aesthetics, and the put together look issues, this is Chatziza! Obviously she's got her priorities wrong. (Oh, if it’s the guy wearing the nail varnish, dump him even if it's not chipped.) 2. Orders malt beer- it may not be alchoholic, but it's so unfeminine. Plus maybe it's her way of surviving an hour without the real thing, get in touch with the A.A. 3. Orders a mint tea in a non mehadrin place- for some reason only guys do this. Maybe they are too busy shteiging gemorra to learn the nitty gritty of bug checking 4. Guy compliments the girl- big no no. See below post for elaboration. 5. Guy opens doors for the girl, and lets her walk ahead- any serious yeshiva bochur knows rabbis banned this. The reasoning: If the girl walks in fron...

What I’d really like to post on Facebook: "..still hates first dates, one looming up tonight" "..hates first dates for a reason. God what a nightmare." "..finito." "..is crossing (magen doviding?) my fingers, maybe this one'll be the one?" "..has finally found a normal charedi guy!" "..is broken hearted" "..is feeling desperate, anyone?" I mean who are we kidding, the only status on my mind is my single/dating one. And before you people tell me to get a life, I already have one.