Friday, January 22, 2010

"I'm a good girl, I am"

"Where did you.go to school?"

I name a seminary, then a college.

"Oh. You're a Bais Yaacov girl," She sounds suprised. I wonder if I should be insulted. Maybe this skirt really is too short. Maybe I should have tied back my hair, and not worn such long earrings.

We are on the bus, sitting next to each other. We discover we are the same age. I tell her I thought she was younger, and she's flattered. It's frightening, reaching the age where it's a compliment to be thought younger. I rememeber the years of trying to look older, guess they are over now.

Naturally, the conversation drifts to dating. Us both being single and all.

"Do you go on real shidduch dates, like they are set up before and everything? Or do you just, like, meet guys?"

"I go on shidduch dates." I answer.

"Oh." Again she sounds suprised. "You're a good girl then."

The words hang in the air. I'm good. Despite the complaining, despite the online venting. Despite the dreaming, sometimes, of something different, of some other way.

"Um, yeah", I say finally. "I guess I am."

I'm good. Because I meet boys on prearranged Shidduch dates. Isn't life simple.


  1. Lucky you. I still don't know if I'm good. :-(

  2. Still being good?

  3. Wow, I can completely relate.

    I hope it's not a justification but I always think that I (we) are better off - we're 'good' BY girls that have THOUGHT about what we are doing and why...Yes, we may have more struggles but they force us to grow...

  4. Put the question on its head. Is a girl who "just meets guys" "bad"?

  5. Well, that's pretty insulting. By her response, she assumed you weren't what she considered to be a "good girl."

    Comments like these should not be taken seriously, or given validation that one person's opinion is the view of the world.

    Someone else will say you're a fachnukt frummie, while some other will still say you're incredibly modern. Story of my life.

  6. It's a sign of a truly simple-minded person to seek one tangible point to base her categories on. It helps them make sense of the world to classify these as the "right" types and those as the "wrong" types but they are bound by the superficial and probably completely unaware of the existence of depth.