Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Blogosphere

I just wanted to write. That's all. Write whatever's in my head, in my heart. Write without censorship, without holding back the things I most want to say.

Frum newspapers all have the same procedure. To start with, their authors know what not to write, what not to say. They are well trained. So was I, once. The editor has her own eagle eyes. She usually catches any untoward lines that slip through. Finally the "Mevaker", the official censor, gives his stamp of approval. There is not much I have to say nowadays, that would make it through the screening.

So instead this blog came into being. A diary, you could call it that. Except none of the diaries I've tried to keep ever lasted beyond a week. I do want to write, but I want it read too. And I'm loving it.

But together with my blog I entered a world. A virtual world. A universe builds up around me. I'm drawn in. It captures my thoughts, my time.

Not everything thought should be spoken, Solomon said. And not everything spoken should be written. Yet in this world I skip a stage. I write things I would never even say. Is that good? Is it honesty, openness? Prized in western society above all else. Or does modesty have a higher value? Should some thoughts be kept to myself? I don't know.

I do know that I'm beginning to be scared. I never planned it like this. My life is splitting into two. My virtual life, blog and twitter and emails. And my other life, which is filling with secrets, with things I can't tell. Nobody in my real world knows about this blog. I wanted total absolute freedom to write without holding back.

I wanted honesty in my writing. But now I'm losing the honesty in my life.

7 comments:

  1. Wow. I hear that. I didn't even bother hiding my identity on twitter for fear it would end up like what you're describing. On the other hand, what you've been able to do as a result is so amazing both for you and for your virtual community. I guess you may have to consider how bad it would be to allow those you are really close with IRL find out about your "secret identity"... Good luck with whatever you decide!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I had that when my blog became a book. I lost all anonymity and it sucks. For me it worked the other way around- what made my blog become a great book was that I wasn't scared to write my thoughts and how I really felt. But now that people know who I am, I can't be honest there anymore and I find it hard to keep blogging there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. A balance is possible.

    I'm an anonymous blogger. But there are some friends and relatives whom I know and trust who know who I am. Some of them even read the blog. :)

    The Wolf

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hmmm.... not one person overlaps the two worlds?

    ReplyDelete
  6. The Kotzker Rebbe said:

    "Not everything that is thought should be said. Not everything that is said should be written down. Not everything that is written down should be published. And not everything that is published should be read!"

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm not suggesting whether you should or shouldn't tell some of the people in your real world about your online world. But before you make any decisions, I recommend you read over a bunch of your old blogs, just to refresh your memory on some of the things you've said.

    Keep us posted...
    :)

    ReplyDelete