The first time I bought a matching black lace set of lingerie, and a miniscule silk night gown, I felt like a criminal. I surreptitiously sneaked into the store, darting looks left and right. I gave off such an aura of guilt that the shopkeepers were suspicious I was shoplifting.
After all, I'm frum, single, hopefully shomer. These things aren’t for the likes of me. Apparently I was wrong.
I'm in the central bus station, with one of my shtarker friends. She's heading back home after a shopping spree.
"Want to see my new bras?" she asks me, pulling open a bag.
I gasp at her. She's buttoned to the neck, a bais yaacov teacher, frum as they can come. And she's not married. She doesn't even talk to guys, except on Shidduch dates.
"What's there to see?"
"No. They are gorgeous. I've got to show you." She pulls me into a changing room, away from prying eyes, and unwraps a tiger print bra and panties set. "It cost a fortune but isn't it to die for?"
"You spend money on this stuff? But no one ever sees you in it." I think of my closet drawer back home, stuffed with 5 for 10 shekels cotton panties, sold in clear plastic cartons in the Shuk.
"So? All my sisters do. You should see Dina's lingerie collection."
I begin to look at her in a whole new way. Is this how she manages to dress so Tznius, by knowing she looks great underneath? Maybe that's the trick. Begin to get dressed in the morning, glance in the mirror and know that you're hot, and then cover it up with layer upon baggy layer. But who cares what the rest of the world sees, you know the truth.
So I've started buying myself pretty things too. Sometimes I even wear them.
I'm checking out a little black silk number, when my eyes meet those of the girl on the other side of the rack. She's also dressed in a long skirt and shirt. She could be engaged , and preparing for her wedding night. Or planning a clandestine affair, although she doesn't look the type. I think she's simply shomer, single, and shopping for lingerie. Like me.
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1 day ago
Much like we cover our hair to be seen only by our husbands, we cover our body only to be seen by our husbands...right outside of Me'ah Sherim in Jerusalem there is an incredible lingerie store. I think that it is part of a keeping your love life special and alive!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you! but what about those of us who haven't yet got a love life? should we make do with cotton since no one is going to see..?
ReplyDeleteIf someone saw it wont they think you are folling around?
ReplyDeleteYou have a great blog. You have alot of depth to you. I think someone will be lucky to get you as a wife.
i am the same. i have quite a large collection of the most amazing lingerie (babydolls and chemises)that i have actually never worn cos i am waiting until i get married. however, i also have really sexy, nice bra and panty sets that i wear. i once read in a magazine about women who spend thousands on nice lingerie, not for their partners, but just to make them feel good. i agree. guys think i am very pretty but there is nothing quite like totally dressing down and looking a bit crap but knowing underneath u are wearing the most amazing lingerie...
ReplyDeleteIf you told your date what you have on underneath I am sure it will get him going.
ReplyDeleteI may have to link this, totally interesting ideal and definitely puts the hair covering thing and tznius into perspective.
ReplyDeleteI wish my (frum) wife was more into this. She's not afraid of her own sexuality, but she was never brought up thinking that lingerie should be part of her 'vocabulary' so now when I suggest it she's not interested.
ReplyDeletewhat a great blog post. It's nice to do things simply for yourself, to make yourself feel good. If some sexy lingerie makes you feel good, then why not? Just because someone is modest to the outside world, doesn't mean they can't be sexy underneath it all.
ReplyDeletethanks for blogging about this perspective!
Frum wife guy and Chutznikit, you're missing the point: Sexy is an attitude/state of mind!
ReplyDeleteIt's not about the bf/husband at all. And it's not technically about lingerie either - although that works for a lot of girls. It's about the woman and how she feels about herself. And how she projects that 'tude. If your frum wife feels sexy in plain Hanes, more power to her!
And, IMHO, attitude is way more attractive than any (under)garment...
My testosterone-addled brain will not do well now that there is the possibility of sexy lingerie underneath the long shirt and skirt.
ReplyDeleteI think you should feel totally entitled to some pretty lingerie under your clothes. Not having any because you are single is silly. You are allowed to feel pretty. Now, if lingerie doesn't make you feel special then don't bother but if it does, go for it! Your feelings count too. Single women have the right to feel just as desirable and good looking as married women. And hopefully you'll meet the right one soon and he'll be very appreciative of your nice stash.
ReplyDeleteWhat do mean hopefully shomer? When do you bend the rules?
ReplyDeleteAs I've commented on the Frum Satire post that links to yours, you should see some of the religious Moslem women on the University campus where I work - Hoo Ha!!!
ReplyDeleteWhy do I seem to be the only one on here who doesn't find the idea of fancy lingerie interesting at all?
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I'm a girl. But who cares about clothes, there's too much else to be done.
Some women are very into lingerie; they believe it makes them feel more attractive and "feminine." Such a bias certainly came across in the book Seven Blessings. A woman who does not spend a lot on lace-trimmed matched sets does not necessarily feel any less attractive or good about herself than one who does. It all depends on personal preferences and taste.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about the women's gym I used to go to. Most women dressed modestly in pants and tee shirt. Some women opted for a tank top (even those who kept their hair covered sometimes went for no sleeves, though most women doffed their hair covering at the gym). But there was one women who in the world outside wears long sleeves, skirts, and sheitel, who wore these midriff-baring outfits. They weren't just the standard jogging bras - they were styled to look sexy. But really she was the only one who dressed in that way; even the women who wear sleeveless tops and shorts in public did not put on a blatantly sexy look for the gym.
anonymous - Hopefully shomer means I hopefully will be shomer, but since I'm not cut out for nunnery we shall see.
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ReplyDeleteWhat if you buy a whole collection and your husband doesn't like this style? Better to wait until you're married and shop together.
ReplyDeleteAlso lingerie isn't a must. If you both love it, go for it! But many men prefer the real thing (naked)...
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with dressing yourself to be attractive ... for yourself!
ReplyDeleteMark
this is about hiding your sexuality rather than expressing it.
ReplyDeleteHas anyone done any statistics on what is the rape rate in the Orthodox community?